Feeling the pain

After writing 2 books on my adoption story I still feel the pain.

I guess another layer is coming off. It is a life time experience.

I can hear it in my head. There she goes again.

I try not to think about my story. I have found that you can drive yourself nuts.

Mulling it over details about my adoption.

HOW COME?

WHY ME,

WHAT DID I DO

WHEN DOES THE PAIN STOP

WHERE ?

I tend to become angry. It only hurts me.

I am a bear to live with. I also lose out in letting people in when I push people away.

I don't Trust people.

I just want to curl up in ball and feel sorry for me .

I am good at it. Feeling sorry for me.

I am going through what I call.

The pain is back.

I am wondering if my Mother is okay.

I just want the pain to stop.

The last fall did a number on my head. My knees.

I want to escape a rehash of

I don't matter: Because

I want to get back to

I am a child of God. I am loved.

I am have value

Instead of

they stole my name.

They replaced me

I am missing out on my family.

I want to get back on track.

What brings me hope is i will back on track. Soon

People will listen to me.

I will begin to move forward again.

I am no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God.

This is where I am at.