After shocks

I mentioned about my hesitation in going to church indoors.

I have had to put a voice to my fear. I know that some of you can relate to pain and

insecurity and barimetric pressure depression.

I know i am making people uncomfortable being real and authentic about fears and depression.

we have all issues.

Growing up issues were encouraged to be shoved under the carpet. I repressed them and I am now paying for it!

I'm suffering from the after effects of trauma. It is not easy to get it out of my nervous system.

I'm not going to deny that I suffered from trauma after being given up for adoption. I know that I was traumatized as a infant. I internalized the pain and with after shock. effects of trauma.

Every once in a while trauma rears it ugly head.

For the most part I can function and once in a while I have after shock moments.

I'm having one at the moment.

It is coming up in the form of fear of the unknown. It is strong enough to choke me.

Fear comes to me in waves.

It is coming up in my knees. I can walk in the outdoors and away from people.

Walking around with people is not going great.

The pain in my knees hurt. The pain is talking.

It is not easy to talk as honestly as I am right now. Barimetric pressure!

This is the best way for me to silence the presence of trauma fear.

Right now I am riding this after shocks out by writing and getting out the truth on paper. It is keeping me up at night.

I share this to calm down my present day fear and trauma from the past.

I shoved down my pain far too long.

At the moment I don't care what people think. The pain has to come out. Not everyone needs to know. Just the safe people in my life.

I am speaking up. I'm riding out my issues of fear and trauma.

I'm encouraged by this statement This to shall pass.

Jesus keeps me safe until the storm comes up and I weather change the barometric pressure out.

I don't do this alone and Jesus walks me through it.

When my pain comes up

I keep busy to be able to function. I pick and choose my activities.

I get real and say I am having a rough time

I am going to make it. Jesus is with me.

Yes I am still wondering about walking into church.

I am going to make it

I have figured out My Coping Strategy.

A chair, speaking out my fear. The pain is demanding that I pay attention.

I am going to walk. It's going to rain Sunday.

I'm worried about going out the back door after church. My knees hurt and I seize up.

I write this to free myself up to move forward. I'm not wanting sympathy. I just want to conquer this.

I have kept silent far too long.

I'm going to do this. As I have come out I am walking better. Talking about adoption trauma. I am having hiccup moments.