Held hostage stealing my identity

When my mom wouldn't tell me about my birth parents and told me she wasn't free to tell me I sent from my information. I filled out forms as best I could and I waited.

When I did find out my information what they had it was suggested to me to talk to my mom about my beginnings.

It took me a couple hours to get the information out of mom.

If I had waited from the province to get my information it could have taken me years.

And for the most part I got my information from my mom. My mother had a bit of a twist to the story. I believe she still had some anger of how my parents changed my name from Linda to Margaret. My mother never communicated to Mom that that's how she felt.

Question,

Why would my mother care so much about picking my name if she couldn't keep me. Sometimes things just don't add up. Make sense!

But why was my information kept from me besides it being the best way to keep people from feeling shame.

These people who confess to love me kept the details of my beginnings from me. A side step my questions. They wanted me to pretend my other family didn't happen.

Some families' response has been I'm surprised that your parents did that. And then again I got your parents were thrilled in their body language and smiles that they had you. Well who can blame them I was a cute baby and I'm still cute.

I must say I wondered how my birth parents could let me go that easily. How they could live with themselves seeing me grow up in the next town.?

How could my family push me to be a member of the family.

I pushed back. It didn't make any difference. I was expected to carry on in the delusion and everything was okay in my family.

I had godly parents. I wonder if they regret it to agreeing to take me if they knew damage it had done on me with being a secret.?

My Parents

Modeled love for me and it came with a cost.

By

Keeping my identity a secret so that my birth family could move on as if nothing happened.

The secret of My identity my beginnings has cost everyone.

People don't know how to act in front of me when I talk about my adoption story especially with family.

Our family has suffered from open communication.

Get the secrets of the past out in the open.

It's for the well-being of everybody especially for the person the secret is about.

It is taking me a while to write down my thoughts on down.

I thought my thoughts were forbidden to be put out there.

I want people to know that keeping me a secret was damaging to me. I want people to know that this is how it is. At 62 I am finally saying what I should have said all along.

I'm not looking for excuses. Not even looking for an apology because I won't get one.

Until next time..! Margaret