How it Feels to be adopted

By Margaret Etcher Theriault

I am a adult Adoptee. I have been an Adoptee for about 60 years.

I am not a professional. I know how it feels like to be Adopted.

I have experienced first hand the issues of being Adopted.

I know that no one can take away How I feel about being adopted.

My birth family and adopted family is part of me and who I am.

As a young Adoptee my adopted mom would tell me we are glad that you are our little girl. We are so glad to have you. We love you.

In a little child mind I wondered where is my birth mother and father?

I heard my mom's words of being glad I was their little girl. As a little girl I wondered why my parents didn't want me?

I wanted to believe mom that they were glad I was their little girl.

A seed was planted in my heart abou the fear that my parents would leave me.

I put up walls and I found it hard to trust people.

I wanted to ask further details about why they were glad to have me when my birth family could not look after me.

I didn't ask as I loved my mom and dad and did not want to hurt their feelings.

As An Adoptee I felt my parents might disapprove.

Parents when we may say I hate you or I don't like you any more. Please don't take a adoptee personally we can't explain the reason why we are angry.

When we do explain why we are angry and how it feels to be Adopted listen. Please don't explain our pain away.

I carried around a deep hurt. I couldn't not explain the missing piece. Sometimes I experienced a sadness that I couldn't explain. I would cry and I couldn't express the why for my sadness.

Sometimes I heard in later years you have nothing to be angry about. I have heard you have had a better life.

The truth is our life is different than from our first family not better.

As an Adoptee I carried the grief of the loss of a family ,loss of identity and medical history, heritage, my anger was displaced on to my adopted parents and any one in the way.

I felt an obligation by my family that I was expected to fit in to my new family full of strangers. I felt I was expected to forget my former family. I was afraid to say something for fear of my parents disapproval.

I know that my parents were sincere in expression of expressing love . What helped me when I acted out was “We still love you.

I suffered guilt thinking that it was our fault

we are not with my original family.

Trusting people is hard for Adoptees. I know that I put up walls.

Listening to an Adoptee is important. My love language as an Adoptee is we understand.

My identity came when I knew the truth about my beginnings.

Today i base my identity in my faith in God who created me.

I am now at peace with my adoption story.